the dog's bollocks, Day One, part three

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the dog's bollocks, Day One, part three

Postby a bollocks » Thu Mar 04, 2:58 am

GT, the Plumber and me....OH MY!
....rumblin', bumblin', stumblin' East towards the RLD. Jeezus, Grasshopper's sign is HUGE!

Didn't stop. No way, no how....Courage.

AS we slither into the night and the sparkly winders, I am agog. A kid in a candy store.

Now I must admit, after 6+ hours of hootin'-tootin' @ DeKuil, I am a bit foggy. I remember walking down some fairly wide streets, seeing red curtains, red lights, and red eyes. Girls were here and there, nothing that jumped out at me. Well I jumped out, so to speak, but that's another story for another novel.

We then turned into what I call an alley. Girls to left of me, girls to the right of me, rode the 600. A few alleys later, GT says, "Now is time to see the "filth", the "decadence" that is the RLD."

We, not exactly, turn, but wedge ourselves into a.........concrete crevasse.... two foot wide. People traversing both ways. We literally hafta turn our shoulders to get by. On the right were sets of three display windows every so often, with lovely ladies galore. Woof.
What if I want one of these fine specimens? Where's the freaking doors? Is this like the BatCave? Is there a trap door somewhere? A Bat pole?

Then it hit me, like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. What a sap she had! WOOF!

About halfway down the block-long "closet", I am looking at my feet, watching my step, when in my right eye I spy, the most gorgeous gams. I stop. I slowly meander up her body. Those creamy thighs, Oooooooooooo, what a lovely midsection, emphasis on the "section" part.......Ooooooooooooo nice bikini, nice breasteses.......such a pearl-white, feathery neck..........lips of velvet, .......and then.......

......'blink'.......hunh?.....whoa. ....the emptiest eyes I have ever seen. Lost in a Greek Tragedy? Alone in a world of unworldliness? It was such a....a.......I was taken aback. All the loveliness of my upward journey along her curves ends in bewilderment and void.

I walked on. Stunned. This is weird. I felt empty.
I see things clearer now. I am like her in some ways, sometimes....
........BUT NOT NOW!!!!!

I'm sure there are lively ladies ( hell, I saw a few) in the windows, but this shock of asymmetry left a pallour over me.

Oh well, end of the tunnel. The Plumber decides to go homeward, so GT thinks out loud, "Greenhouse Centrum", I concur, thinkingly.

We saunter south past people and places....have I mentioned my love of Dutch architecture? Old & cool. Inviting.

Even though, I have only been in A'Dam for about 17 hours, I feel at home and, surprisingly, not lost. I know I dwell just OVER THERE! This city is actually very compact. I like it.

Well, our two wandering stumbelos, actually make it to the G.Centrum. Nice place. Fairly big. We find a table, flop down and the first thing that comes to my mind is: Belgian Beer!

Duvel?, asks GT. Fuggin 'A'............ahhhhhhhhhhhhh that shit is smooth. So fucking smooth and packs a wallop. I mean, this old dude was weaned on 3.2 beer, but with a Duvel in my hand........SALUD!

I don't remember if we smoked at the Centrum........Yeesh, after 2 in the morning, and I"m still waggin' on my first day. Not bad for an ol' goob.

Eventually GT & I part ways and as he points me in the right direction...West.....we remind each other of our 4:00 Rusland meeting tomorrow. NO Jet Lag for me!!!!!! .... riiiiiiiiiight..........

I made it to my room, no problem, sparked a final doob of Grey Mist (Haze & Crystal) (GT gave me some papers) .... DAMN, I'm outta NYC Diesel....must remember to get som...................ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

(this freakin bed is one of the most comfortable I ever had on the road) .....

And so endeth my first day EVER in our beloved Mokum. I can honestly say that I was already a changed man.

And now a word from our sponsor......

WOOT!
Last edited by a bollocks on Mon Dec 26, 10:28 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Re: the dog's bollocks, Day One, part three

Postby LastHamlet » Thu Mar 04, 3:28 am

a bollocks wrote:About halfway down the block-long "closet", I am looking at my feet, watching my step, when in my right eye I spy, the most gorgeous gams. I stop. I slowly meander up her body. Those creamy thighs, Oooooooooooo, what a lovely midsection, emphasis on the "section" part.......Ooooooooooooo nice bikini, nice breasteses.......such a pearl-white, feathery neck..........lips of velvet, .......and then.......

......'blink'.......hunh?.....whoa. ....the emptiest eyes I have ever seen. Lost in a Greek Tragedy? Alone in a world of unworldliness? It was such a....a.......I was taken aback. All the loveliness of my upward journey along her curves ended in bewilderment.

I walked on. Stunned. This is weird.


WOOT!


Now, it is you who have seen through the eyes of the poet. Remember when I wrote of my walk through adventure "Just short of a cry"???
Now, you have seen through my eyes.

Awesome Bollocks, Just amazing the way you word them together. You have a most unique and wonderful way of writing man, can't wait for more.
Best Regards A Bollocks,
LH
Awesome Report, Awesome, I say!!!

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Re: the dog's bollocks, Day One, part three

Postby dannymac » Thu Mar 04, 3:54 am

a bollocks wrote:We then turned into what I call an alley.....not exactly turn, but wedge ourselves into, for lack of a better word, a crevice. Two foot wide. People traversing both ways. We literally hafta turn our shoulders to get by......About halfway down the block-long "closet", I am looking at my feet, watching my step, when in my right eye I spy, the most gorgeous gams. I stop......!
So well put 'a bollocks', you sent me back to the scene of the crime perfectly....and her name was Sandra!!
You've described that wonderful little 'crevice' soooooo very well.

I dont know LH, this guy is good. You've got some real competition in the 'Trip Report' arena.

MORE, MORE, MORE.....and I love the Firesign Theatre references too. Keep up the great work 'a bollocks'.

patrick

Postby patrick » Thu Mar 04, 4:15 am

outstanding report, i look forward to more installments.

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Postby hank » Thu Mar 04, 6:21 am

Super report, a bullocks, I also walk with you through the streets of Amsterdam, looking through your eyes and rembering the hazy details you bring back to mind. Thanks , and looking forward to another....

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Postby Max Flower » Thu Mar 04, 6:31 am

Howdy a bollocks,

Ahhh... a good story tellers trip report never fails to open that little door behind the writers eyeballs for me step in and go along for the ride .

I'll admit that witnessing the empty thousand mile stare some of the girls sport can mess with your chi. the RLD is sometimes like a surreal crucible of Joy and Pain.

Looking forward to part 4.

Thank you again for sharing.

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Postby GT » Thu Mar 04, 6:15 pm

outstanding sir. it was like i was there. o wait. i Was there ;-)

"concrete crevasse" ...one of my favorites, alliteration + vocabulary. and dead on. your description of the depths of debauchery; haunting.

i've never viewed writing these things as a contest; we each bring our own tools to the table and contribute as we will. you have contributed greatly to this library of enjoyment; please continue. and the same applies to all of the rest of you too. write on.

gotta go, it's time for the "hour of the wolf" movie...is that steve reeves?...no, agnes morehead...and there's hamburger all over the highway in mystic, connecticut. those are the headlines, now for the rumors behind the news.

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Postby dannymac » Thu Mar 04, 6:28 pm

How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?

When you're reading the Channels Trip Reports that's how?!
Especially with the gifted writer's we have here. Keep up the great work all!

;-)

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Postby TrekknHil » Thu Mar 04, 9:22 pm

Thanks for taking me back...even briefly :)

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Postby a bollocks » Thu Mar 04, 9:28 pm

dannymac wrote:How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?

When you're reading the Channels Trip Reports that's how?!
Especially with the gifted writer's we have here. Keep up the great work all!

;-)



...in my best Maynard G. Krebs...."WORK??!!??"

not today.......It's Nice out.........I think I'll leave it out.


WOOP!

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Postby Mr. Charlie » Fri Mar 05, 12:11 am

Well done, bollocks! No, really ;-)

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Postby Dance, Rummie! » Fri Mar 05, 1:05 am

I concur, Bollocks! Too many reports suffer from a sort of went-here-smoked-that-had-some-vaguely-significant-cultural-exchange sameness. But yours are consistently engaging, funny, & insightful. You're not Tom Robbins lurking incognito are you?

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Postby a bollocks » Fri Mar 05, 1:12 am

Dance, Rummie! wrote:I concur, Bollocks! Too many reports suffer from a sort of went-here-smoked-that-had-some-vaguely-significant-cultural-exchange sameness. But yours are consistently engaging, funny, & insightful. You're not Tom Robbins lurking incognito are you?



more like the HAROLD Robbins of the board.

GT is the Hunter Thompson. LH the Ken Kesey.

Although I did write:

"Even Bollocks gets the Weed" & "Another Mokum Attraction"


WOOT!
Last edited by a bollocks on Fri Mar 05, 1:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Postby Dance, Rummie! » Fri Mar 05, 1:15 am

Allow me: "Still Life W/ Vaporizer"

Keep fighting the good fight. I look forward to the next installment!

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Postby Chiqui » Fri Mar 05, 5:39 pm

You have to be the most entertaining trip reporter! Your personality really shines through all your posts. I tell you, right after reading your posts, I'm just pooped! I feel like I was there being part of the experience. Thank you for sharing.

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Postby Boner » Fri Mar 05, 8:57 pm

Yet another top report from the Dogs Bollocks - thanx...Boner...

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Postby foxiehaha » Sat Mar 06, 12:48 pm

Excellent, honey, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul...

Oh she walks slowly across a young mans room
She said I'm ready for you
I can't remember anything to this very day
Except the look the look
Oh you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...

Much love,
Foxie.

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Postby a bollocks » Sat Mar 06, 7:13 pm

foxiehaha wrote:Excellent, honey, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul...

Oh she walks slowly across a young mans room
She said I'm ready for you
I can't remember anything to this very day
Except the look the look
Oh you know where, now I can't see, I just stare...

Much love,
Foxie.


Awwwwwwww, my sweetie returns bearing gifts.

Lyrics from my fave band. Although I always sing: " 'cept blood, BLOOD!"

I think the little rascal changed the lyrics in concert. You know the incest thingy and all.

I hope to sing to you one day.....in November.

Thanks to all for the kind words. Day Two is in the works.

WOOP!

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Postby Otis » Sat Mar 06, 7:22 pm

Nice report, I was there with ya. I'm at "home" in Utrecht, trying to clean, cook, do laundry, and smoke, and I miss that nice red lighting tonight and the little alley 2 feet wide or less in spots. I've been gone almost 24 hours now, though I'm but a 35-minute train ride away, and your report gave me the fix I need to get thru the night without real red lighting.

It's so much fun walking down those "shopping" streets.

Otis

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What a first day............

Postby Maid Marian » Mon Mar 08, 6:23 pm

This was fantastic Bollocks.........You write like some of the others that have been there several times, not a newbie at all........You are up there with the best of them (IMHO)

I can't wait to read more..........The walk thru the alley at RLD.......that was very poignant.....as LH often says, "That's Just the Way It Is"...

Keep it up, and you are hanging wonderfully with some of the best.........


Thanks for a great 3-part first day.


Peace............MM

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Re: the dog's bollocks, Day One, part three

Postby a bollocks » Mon Mar 29, 2:54 am

LastHamlet wrote:
a bollocks wrote:About halfway down the block-long "closet", I am looking at my feet, watching my step, when in my right eye I spy, the most gorgeous gams. I stop. I slowly meander up her body. Those creamy thighs, Oooooooooooo, what a lovely midsection, emphasis on the "section" part.......Ooooooooooooo nice bikini, nice breasteses.......such a pearl-white, feathery neck..........lips of velvet, .......and then.......

......'blink'.......hunh?.....whoa. ....the emptiest eyes I have ever seen. Lost in a Greek Tragedy? Alone in a world of unworldliness? It was such a....a.......I was taken aback. All the loveliness of my upward journey along her curves ended in bewilderment.

I walked on. Stunned. This is weird.


WOOT!


Now, it is you who have seen through the eyes of the poet. Remember when I wrote of my walk through adventure "Just short of a cry"???
Now, you have seen through my eyes.

Awesome Bollocks, Just amazing the way you word them together. You have a most unique and wonderful way of writing man, can't wait for more.
Best Regards A Bollocks,
LH
Awesome Report, Awesome, I say!!!
love, lil, hamster...


ya know what?

I have read, re-read, smoked, meditated.

<the last part is a feeble attempt at potty-humour> The first part is probably the most precious compliment I've ever received. I've had a few, having performed for over 40 years.

Thanks.

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Postby Mike » Mon Mar 29, 4:52 am

Nice report.....very nice

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Cool

Postby LastHamlet » Mon Mar 29, 3:03 pm

You Da Man, Bollocks.
However, someday we will meet in the Dam, share the same sights, smoke the same Ghanja Joint, and I wonder what the hell we will see then.
First Joints on Me...
Best Regards Bollocks.

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Postby a bollocks » Fri Apr 30, 3:51 am

GT wrote:outstanding sir. it was like i was there. o wait. i Was there ;-)

"concrete crevasse" ...one of my favorites, alliteration + vocabulary. and dead on. your description of the depths of debauchery; haunting.

i've never viewed writing these things as a contest; we each bring our own tools to the table and contribute as we will. you have contributed greatly to this library of enjoyment; please continue. and the same applies to all of the rest of you too. write on.

gotta go, it's time for the "hour of the wolf" movie...is that steve reeves?...no, agnes morehead...and there's hamburger all over the highway in mystic, connecticut. those are the headlines, now for the rumors behind the news.


"Oh, you alliterative fool!!!" Do you hyperbole? Are you Onomotopoetic?

My feeble attempt at coaxing GT out of the closet.

...also, prolly, a *bump*ing thinging......

also a veritable attempt to bring us back to 'da fold

Hallelujah, brother! I am here to comfort the souls of the sinner and return the stray sheep back to da' fold. Gotta love Cat Ballou.

and Dobie.

and doobie.

WOOP!

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Postby GT » Fri Apr 30, 7:46 am

cole porter & some little fat jewish funny guy..."cat balou...cat balou-ou -ou" seriously, one of my all time fave movies...lee marvin hilarious as the drunk gunfighter :-)

& thx 4the kind words. but i must lay alliterative claim to the Full monty:
"dead on. your description of the depths of debauchery"

must i capitalize the alliterative components in order to receive suitable adulation?

and i AM busy (demonstrated by my actual use of the, how you say, shift? key?)

but these discussions caused me , in a late drunken stupor, (ok, just now ;-) to play my vintage vinyl (alliterate this, bi....i mean uh never mind) of marx & lennon...too fun

ok, backspacing about 30% of typin now gotta give it up.
adios muchachos

brandx

Postby brandx » Fri Apr 30, 3:41 pm

X
Last edited by brandx on Thu Oct 04, 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby a bollocks » Fri Apr 30, 6:31 pm

GT wrote:cole porter & some little fat jewish funny guy..."cat balou...cat balou-ou -ou" seriously, one of my all time fave movies...lee marvin hilarious as the drunk gunfighter :-)

& thx 4the kind words. but i must lay alliterative claim to the Full monty:
"dead on. your description of the depths of debauchery"

must i capitalize the alliterative components in order to receive suitable adulation?

and i AM busy (demonstrated by my actual use of the, how you say, shift? key?)

but these discussions caused me , in a late drunken stupor, (ok, just now ;-) to play my vintage vinyl (alliterate this, bi....i mean uh never mind) of marx & lennon...too fun

ok, backspacing about 30% of typin now gotta give it up.
adios muchachos


Nat King Cole & Stubby Kaye.


WOOT!

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Postby Old Hippie Dave » Thu Dec 22, 5:27 pm

.....................i don/t get it?

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Come Back GT !

Postby a bollocks » Fri Dec 23, 12:04 am

bumpin DA!!!!

I miss the farmer.

WOOT!

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Postby TAK » Fri Dec 23, 12:14 pm

How'd I mis this thread when you worte it last March?
Thanks OHD for bring it to the top for my attention.

A bolllocks, another wooterful report. It takes me back to Am'dam and I am here already.

Keep on WOOTING!!!

Dag
TAK


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